an accumulation of days

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the days tumble on and there are new projects all the time. february was a continuation of january in terms of hibernation and feeling very internal. there were snow and freezing temperatures that stuck around for a whopping two weeks, so i drove to work for 3/4 of the snowy days, trusting the four-wheel drive of my truck over my bike tires. a great majority of the island either chose or was forced into staying home for the snow days, thus work leaned closer to boring as there were no parcels to weigh and cloak in pretty stamps. the highlight in the midst of the hibernation time was when the galentines struck again, but that’s all i will say about that. february also led to partaking in my friend vivi’s e-course ‘be your own beloved’ for the second time. i took it five years ago and found it instrumental at that point in my life. being in a relationship has historically always been hard work for me. the work lessens by degrees the longer the relationship lasts, but regardless of the duration, it is always easier for me not to be in a relationship, than to be in one. i think relating well to other people – relating in love and harmony – is perhaps the most important and necessary work, but that’s what it is – work (at least for me). it takes a continuous showing up and facing the parts of myself that aren’t as pretty or kind or gentle or sure. so when viv’s email reminder landed in my inbox stating that a course was about to begin, i thought, hmmm, this might be a really good time to give myself some extra kindness, care and love.

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with the coming of march and the snow melting and the days getting so much longer the projects have started amassing. i finally built the love-seat johnny requested and absolutely love it. it opens up the space greatly and is so nice to stretch out on. whenever i build something exciting, i tend to want to just spend time with it. so as the love-seat came together i found myself wanting to get home to it whenever i had to go out. i am sitting on it right now, awash in pillows in varying shades of dusty blue and turquoise, with my feet warming by the fire. the other current large project is pumping water from the seasonal pond up to the 2500gal cistern. we haven’t yet managed to build the roof over the cistern to catch rainwater from, but for the past two months it doesn’t seem like it would have mattered much anyway. there was significant snow, but it slid off all of my catchment surfaces before it could melt, so all water collection potential was lost. the rain barrel i take dishwashing water from is down to less than 1/3 full, which it hasn’t been at since the end of last summer. for the past five weeks it has been for the most part sunny and calm. though gorgeous, it doesn’t bode well for water, therefore john suggested pumping the pond-water up and storing it. i have a little pump here that came with the land, and john lent me another one, so i now have a set up of one pump pumping up to a 250 gal cistern lower down, and the second pump taking it from there up to the big cistern at the top of the hill. i have to do it in stages though, as the little pump can only run for about two hours until it gets too hot and needs a break. it will be slow going, but i am feeling relief at getting this project underway before all the pond-water disappears. 

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in between the outdoor projects we’ve gone to do a bit of visiting and i have been reading a delightful book – ‘a man called ove’ by fredrik backman – which jenny lent me when i said i was looking for heartwarming books. reading this has reminded me that heartwarming often comes hand in hand with heartbreaking. like how it’s difficult to feel the deepness of joy if you haven’t also felt sad. 

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sad came along a couple of weeks ago when my cat had a seizure. i had never experienced that with her before and wasn’t sure what it foretold, but after speaking with friends i’ve come to realize this has happened to other aged animals on their way towards death. not knowing this at the time it scared me completely and left me distraught. loss is a hard one. maybe i can count this as a blessing that i am getting a bit of warning and can love her fiercer while i have her.

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