la mer, bien sûr

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there really is no excuse for why it has been so long since the last post, other than the fact of life being full and delicious and i have been too busy living it to write about it. i started a post on the ferry home to the big isle, about two weeks ago now, and since then have had no time to write… or perhaps, made no time to write. it was a joy arriving home to the wee isle knowing that i no longer have to leave, i can stay as long as i want, i have steady work ON ISLAND. and despite moving back to the wee isle over a year ago, i realized on this return that i haven’t yet had the feeling of being fully settled. perhaps surprising to you, it surprised me. now that i know i never have to leave, it just feels… good. in the freshness that comes from returning home from away, i quickly got into the groove of getting things done that got pushed aside before leaving, or other things i have been wanting to do for a long time, but just needed the impetus of being away to spur me on. i finally cleared out my excess of clothes that i never wear, which, as you may know, feels phenomenal. i made the porch roof bigger so that less rain blows in sideways. i turned the drivers seat in the bus to face inward so that two people can sit somewhat comfortably in the space together, instead of one having to be on the floor. john has suggested a love-seat in the place of the sofa chair, which i agree is a good idea, but it means pulling out one of the cupboards and designing both the love-seat and a folding table, so, though excited about it, i haven’t quite gotten to that project yet. because along with all that, i started the new job people! four days so far! which, hilariously, consists of all the training i will be getting to take over the job of postmaster: a whopping 24 hours. on my last day with tony, our beloved retiring postmaster, i forgot to charge one customer for a money order (luckily he let me know), and almost forgot to charge another the fuel surcharge for parcels. lucky for me, it seems the islanders will help train me. all that aside, i think i am going to love the job. i already do. i get to use the stamp cancelling hammer, which is a relic of old post offices, and i get to order stamps! any stamps i want!!! (perhaps i have not had occasion to speak of my abiding love of snail mail. after beginning the new job, i realized my personal stamp inventory was larger than the PO’s.) if you live in canada and have never had the pleasure of beholding a 10$ whale stamp, i suggest you send a large package, or just buy one for the heck of it, they are e x q u i s i t e. AND, if you buy stamps often, you’ll know what i am talking about here: you know those little colour dots they put on the edge of sheets of stamps that display all the colours that were used in the creation of that stamp? they are sometimes not just dots, but come in shapes related to whatever is on the stamp? well, on the 10$ stamp they are little scuba divers, AND, tony just told me, they are proportionally related to the size of the whale! they are TINY! (hopefully he wasn’t shitting me, because i just find this spectacular). so yes, work has been sweet, and the bike ride to work through the forest has also been lovely. it takes about 4o minutes to get there, which is a nice work out. 

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back to the trip a moment: not to worry, i am going to post about it, but thing is i am on another trip right now, and that is taking up my present moment. i made it out to the wild west coast again. i was craving it strong for the last several weeks, and had the craving before leaving for the southwest road-trip too, but didn’t have the time before that departure to make it out here. now here i am, lounging in the car, tuff city radio playing, darkness and a smattering of rain permeating the little alder/cedar forest around me, thermarest rolled out, candle lit, loving the feeling of living on the road again, if just for one night. and though i miss johnny (tremendously. he’s still in california), it is positively ROOMY in the back of the car when it’s only me in here, it’s like a luxury hotel. i spent the rainy afternoon walking cox bay beach, picking up and dropping and sometimes keeping all the beautyfull things the sand offered up to me. then stood out on mackenzie beach watching the weird spouts of water on the distant horizon, puzzling over whether there was a line of rocks out there beyond my vision that the waves were using to launch themselves into the air, or whether it was a continuous line of whales breaching and blowing. most likely the first scenario, but i sure like the second one.

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i have expounded on this before, but i continue to come back to the contemplation of why i feel so drawn out here. you are unlikely to find me here in the summer, among the tourists and the subdued swells. it is the wild season i love. the turning inward stirred by the grey skies, pounding surf, incessant rain. the trees whose limbs are windswept away from the sea. the inexorable pulse of the tides beating along with my blood as i tread as close as i dare to this immense body of water. so here i am, stilled inside by the thunder of the swells. what a divine paradox. is it that this is what it sounded like in the womb? is it pre-birth, being near an ocean? does it harken back to a place of complete safety? where all of our needs were being met before we knew what needs were?

whatever it is, it feels good. it feels good to be here. an untameable force crashing against the edge of the earth, soothing me to sleep at night. steeped in dreams of lives being lived across this boundless sea.

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One thought on “la mer, bien sûr

  1. All I can say is WOW. Your writing, your photos, your life. So happy for you in every respect. And very sorry I couldn’t join you on the west coast, but it sounds like you had a great solo time. Lots of love, C.

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