so there’s a problem with natalie goldberg. every time i read her, her words open up places inside of me that didn’t know they were hungry, she feeds them. she feeds me. and i want that feeling all the time. i want to carry it with me. maybe if i was immersed in her that would do the trick. but i suppose the way to do that would be to go to one of her workshops. i have never been much of the going to workshops type. perhaps i should start. but anyway. in the here and now. i am still reading the great spring. i have been reading this one for a couple of months now, between other books. the problem is i want to read it all the time – for that feeling – but i can’t because if i do i will finish it. then there will be no more. and i need to drag it out as long as possible. so i only read a bit at a time. how to be immersed then? at the same time having it for days, weeks on end?

big fabulous exciting the-best-ever news: khurue came home!!! 6 days later, possibly to the hour (1:30am to be precise), she returned. meowing that pissed off mournful meow i mentioned previously. she woke me out of sleep and made me doubt whether i was dreaming. but it was her!!! fine and healthy, just soaking wet and starving (it was raining). she tried to crawl under the blankets with me, but settled for her usual spot on top of the duvet, curled into my side. she didn’t stop hounding me though, until i finally rested my arm on her when i could pet no longer, at which point she nuzzled her head under the crook of my elbow and calmed. she’s never let me do that before, she usually tries to squirm out from under my arm if i leave it on her for too long. she must’ve missed me as much as i missed her. since she disappeared friends have told me about their cats that have left for two weeks, or various other periods of time, returning eventually. i saw sarah in the whole foods today and she said denise’s cats sometimes leave for the whole summer, returning in the fall when the weather cools! well. i now know better and will be ok when it happens again. ready for it. it was just so unfamiliar to me i thought the worst. don said i had to go do a celebration dance, since i had done a grief dance when i thought she was gone, these are the photos from then. can you guess which are grief and which are celebration?

on saturday a bunch of good friends gathered at corrie and sheldons to make masks for their wedding. what a time. as corrina said afterwards: i felt nurtured, i came away full. there is such joy in spending time with those close to you that you love well and perhaps don’t get to be around very often. it was not only that though, it was the process of the mask-making. it was a family doing something together based on love. and the vulnerability of it. the willing covering of your face – your sight and speech and one of two ways of breathing, getting taken away from you for a period of time. trusting someone enough to do this for them. watching their love for each other was grace. as navi shared in a quote she sent me: graceful is being human together.

*photos 7 & 10 by dharma.